So, the blog Pocket change is having a blog carnival. A carnival of … shopping.
Now actually, I feel about shopping much like I feel about actual carnivals. I think it’s going to be really FUN, and then when I get to the top of the Ferris wheel (or the middle of the store) I pretty much just want to hurl. It’s too crowded, it’s too expensive, everything I see and hear makes me worry for the future of the human race, etc. etc.
Now, I’ve already done my bit for trying to make finding one’s size a bit easier, but if I could only convince sellers of a few essential things:
First: KISS. That’s right, “keep it simple, stupid.” If I wanted a cardigan that looked like I let my six-year-old loose with a Bedazzler, well, I have a six-year-old, and it’s still legal to own a Bedazzler in Illinois. (Until I finish lobbying my elected representatives, that is.) If you think that if you offer me a plain sweater, and I purchase it, that I won’t purchase another one the next season/year/week whatever, you’re wrong. offer something easy in another color, or another sleeve length, next year/month/or maybe even week and I will happily pony up my dough, but I *won’t* purchase something with all sorts of design vomit on it. I just won’t. It seems to me that a lot of designers are just trying to look busy … and what they make looks busy, too.
Second: Why can’t I find a good handbag for under one gazillion dollars? Either it’s covered with nonessential metal dangly bits and huge logos (see KISS, above), or it doesn’t have pockets that will fit my Treo and/or iPod (Dammit Jim, I’m a girl, not a technophobe!), or the straps are secretly developed by the secret massage Therapists and Chiropractors’ Cabal to drive much more company to their offices. Lately I’ve been purchasing cotton bags from Target or even … diaper bags. in some cases I carry much more than a lipstick, two tissues, and a golf pencil. So step it up, and help me carry all my gadgets and maybe even a book, without throwing my back out, mortgaging my house, or being your fall 2006 advertising campaign.
Third: Don’t force your salespeople to be jerks. I don’t want to deal with someone who has to ask me three times if I want a store charge card or live in worry of being fired. I don’t want to be put in the position of either giving up some personal information or knowing that your clerk will be reprimanded for not making their weekly quota of identity Theft database Filler. Don’t make them push crap, bait and switch, or sell “warranties” that guarantee only that I will be $80 poorer. If you pay good wages & have good benefits then good people will work for you, they will sell, and you will make money. If you don’t, then you have to pull these dumb shenanigans. and if you do these things, I won’t shop at your store, and you won’t make any money, anyway.
Dream world Request: Won’t somebody make a search engine that lets me search by Pantone color? I know you can search on Etsy.com by spinning bubbles color, but I really, really want to do this other places, too. I don’t care if I have to pay Pantone $20/year for a license, or a Firefox plug-in, or whatever. just let me match colors on the Internet. Please. and relatedly, if you sell online, use tags! use keywords! use (I know this is a stretch) XML! Your “juliette’s saturday sweater” ought to somewhere, somehow, say cardigan. or else how am I going to find it when I’m searching for cardigans?
Whew. I bet they’re sorry they asked. Rant over … FOR NOW. They’re going to do this carnival every two weeks!
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